Well..

Alot of things have happend to me over the past few months.

I've moved interstate to Victoria and have already moved twice in 3 months.

I've caught up with the love of my life and moved in with him and then moved back out as things just weren't right at the time but we are still working on our relationship. We just rushed into it way too quickly. We both weren't ready for such a full on commitment.

I still love him madly as much as I did the first day that I met him 6 years ago.

We just have our own problems that need to sorted out on our own before we try again. Even though I need his support through this, he won't give it to me. But hopefully when he see's some progress he will.

I've also started school as a counsellor.

I'm really excited about that because hopefully I can use the skills that I learn to help others to help myself and become a better person for me and for my relationship.

If only things could work out the way you want them to. Life is not easy and I've known that for a long time but only just finding out what it really means. Yes I might of moved back home so I can set my life up properly. Some people might be thinking that I am taking the easy way out but I know it's what I need to do it. I feel lilke my friends don't really care about whats going on in my life. I know that they have their own problems and all that, but I have always felt like I'm ignored. When I'm talking to someone I get interrupted, when I'm out with friends I'm left behind and forgoten about. When there is a party or something I'm never invited. I just feel like I shouldn't know anyone and just turn into a hermit. Because I know that if this continues I won't make it to 30. I feel like right now my life has no meaning. I actually feel like my life hasn't had any meaning for along time. I feel like everyone ignores me and forgets about me, even with my closest friends. Sometimes I wish I was one of those important people that no one forgot. That made a name for themself. My life is in shambles. I try my best at everything and it's never good enough. It's never good enough for anyone. It's never good enough to remember. It's never good enough to congratulate. It's just never good enough. Story of my life. Not good enough. Needs to try harder. I try and I try but noone notices. The only person that would fucking notice is dead. And now yet again another sleepless night thinking about the "what if's". I'm fucking over it and I'm over this so called life. It's fucking bullshit.

Sometimes....

There are times in life where you can't get what you want. The boy that you want. The life that you want. The friends that you want. You only get what you need....Even if that means you get your heart broken in the process. Nothing works out the way that you want it. No matter what. Life is just heartbreak. Your "friends" stab you in the back. You fall on your knees and noone is there to pick you up. People who are your "best friend" go behind your back. Treat you like shit. They don't care that you're on the edge. About to end it all. Giving it all up for something better....or worse. They don't care as long as they are fine and aren't going to get hurt. Even if they lose their "mate". If I wasn't moving, I'm pretty sure it would end within the week. I'm moving so I can better my life and get away from everything that is bringing me down and killing me. I just wish one of my "friends" would see this and ask me if everything was ok and actually cared if I said "Nah, I'm fine." and realised that I wasn't. If they did I wouldn't end it. I might not leave beacause I know that someone cares. Noone here cares. They say they do but....seriously. I have one best friend who is pretty much a slut and another who loves me deeply but is like my brother and another who never see's me anymore. I just don't know what to do anymore. I love these people but I seriously feel like I have to move on and forget these people. All of them. I don't want this life anymore. I tell them that I'll be back by the end of the year but I don't want to come back. I want to run away....far, far away and never return. Yeah I'll miss everyone for about a month before I make new friends and move on with my life. I don't care anymore. Noone fucking cares. I'm out. I'm fucking over this town. I'm fucking out for fucking good.

Well...

Tomorrow night is the last time that I'm going to be hanging out with my mates. I'm actually quite glad to be leaving. Going to a new town. Knowing noone and starting again. It's what I need. A fresh start. A time to reinvent myself. Make new friends (maybe). But honestly I am really, really glad that I'm going. I'm not happy here and moving back home with mum she can keep an eye on me. Keep me under control. I wont be drinking. I wont be smoking. I wont be taking any drugs. I'm going to be straight edge. Mum's is going to be a massive detox for me. I'm looking at this all  in a positive light and I'm so glad I'm going. Getting away from everything that is bad and killing me. Mainly Richard. Maybe I'll meet a nice country boy who will treat me right and not smoke crack.

Tamina Lee

You mean the world to me. I wouldn't know what to do with my life if I didn't have you in it to help me. You're my best friend and sister. I don't ever want to lose you and I am so sad that I'm leaving. I really don't want to but I know that I have to. It's going to help me so much. I know it looks like I'm running away and I probably am but I need to do this. I need to get away from him and get away from everything that reminds me of him. I can't do this anymore Tami. It's seriously killing me and I know that if I don't go I will do something stupid. I love you Tami and I always will. I wish I could tell you this all to your face but I find it incredibly hard to do that. I love you Tami and I never want you out of my life. You mean everything to me.

Fuck You To Sir

Exactly what that says...do it. Please now. Right now. Or even better fuck off. Don't talk to me. Don't even think about me. Don't have anything to do with me. You're a cunt, a cheater and a liar and a drug fucked loser. I hope you have a miserable life and that by the time you realise what you have done it will be too late to make any changes. You will be alone and sad for the rest of your miserable life. I don't know what I see in you. You make me sick and severly disappointed. I despise people like you yet I'm still insanely drawn to you. I don't care what happens to you anymore. I don't think I can ever be your friend again if you are such a user. I don't believe you when you say you miss me. You only miss me for sex. Fuck you cunt. I hate you. I don't want anything to do with you. You broke my heart for the last time. I finaly was ready to open up to someone for the first time in ages and look what you did to me. You took my trust and shat all over it making it harder for me to trust anyone again. You took my heart and ripped to shreads when it finally was fixed. You took everything that meant anything to me and threw it away with the rubbish. You are a cunt and have destroyed me. Rot in hell you slag. Overdose you junkie. Why the fuck did I get involved with you? I hate liars. I hate cheaters. I hate users. I hate everything about you. You are a sweet talking prick who ruined me. Go die. Fuck off. I hate you.

So Yeah...

I'm rather quite glad that I am leaving.

I don't have to put up with your bullshit anymore and it will be quite easier to ignore you and not get sucked into you again.

I wont have such high hopes anymore despite the fact that they are already pretty fucking low.

This is that last time that you do this to me.

Pormise me something then ignore me and not let me know whats going on and then use some lame excuse.

I've have enough and I'm over it and I'm over you.

Why did I let you rule me for so long?

You're a sweet talking prick.

You fill me up with disappointment.

Don't even think of coming on Tuesday night if you promised me tonight.

Cunt.